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77 Myths Of Venerable Magik

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I Hate Black Metal...or Frostbytten and Bvtthurt

Doesn't Matter What You Call Yourself, You're Always Gonna Be a Nazi (Just Say No to NSBM)

How to Get Signed

Social Media Death Metal

I'm Pretty Cool Myself

Jump The Heck Up

Super Unorthodox Backwoods Coffee Club Revival

Skimpy Solomon Fartfingers

Introduction: Gathering Around the Light of the Fire as the Unearthly and Benevolent Spirits of the Forest Join Us in this Magik Night

My Elf Ears Melted in my Car

Ranking Morbid Angel Albums Solely Based Upon Their Cover Art

At the Risk of Taking a Feminist Stance, I Gotta Say Cemetery Rapist Is a Very Bad Band

Getting Frostbite During the Texas Blizzard Taking Corpsepaint Photos

Don't Tempt Me Frodo!

Awaken Me When the Time Is Appropriate to Listen to Type O Negative

Venom Enema

The Frozen One Awaits

Beefcakes Without Borders

Nothing More Punk Than a Fast, Casual Italian Eatery

The Ancient Spell, Grimly Uttered in the Tongues of the Old Ones by My Unfortunate Rectum Hours After Eating Spicy Curry

Mamma's Selling a Line 6

Professor Snape, The World's Favorite Incel

The Gate of No Return

The Noise Gate of No Return

My Former Life as a Poser

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Diesel Boner

Really, How Long Does It Take to Test a Fucking Compression Pedal??

Tormented and Coerced into Performing a Live Ritual by an Eldritch Forest Spirit, a Pair of Ghouls and a Weeb

How Can I Be Punk When I Have a Severe Skin Allergy to Nickel

Freebasing Cringe

I Wish My Life Had More of a Thulean Perspective

Daydreaming Giddily About John Lennon Burning in Hell

Catfishing Viper

Cognitive Ball Therapy

Researching the Legality of Cannibalism

Entering and Leaving the Garage Waiting for the Random Encounter Peavey to Spawn

Unapproachable Raw Black Metal Legend Purchasing Me Indie Rock Record from My Own City

Cursed to Listen to Untold Hours of King Crimson in the Lair of Count Progula

Asking Raw Black Metal Elite, "You Ever Heard Behemoth?"

Buying a Gun from the Drummer of Savatage

Having a Random Encounter with Lord Wurm in Recycled, to Have Him Babble Something Insane and Give You an S Rank Quest

Nice 12 String Ric You Psych Rock Playing Poser (I Mean This Unironically)

Okay Give Me That Guitar It's Too Cool for You, You Play Psych Rock in 2021

Wolves in the Throne Room Posting Emojis (Wolves in the Throne Room Are a Bunch of Fucking Nerds, Pt. 2)

Being a Pornogrind Fan Is Cleaning the Cum Out of the Grooves on Your Meat Shits Records

The Worst Part of being an NSBM Fan (Other Than, Y'Know Being Racist) Is Having to Pretend That Absurd Is a Good Band

Like a Macabre Rail of Silly String a Footlong Cord of Turds Rope Descends from My Anus

And on That Day His Forehead Grew Three Times Its Normal Size

Punishing EDM Kids with Neil Young

Becoming a Cocaine Cowboy Because You Don't Know What Else to Do with Yourself Now That Burger Records Is Cancelled

You'll Cowards Won't Even Play in Standard Tuning

Todopoderoso Steals Riffs from Kombat (How DARE They Play an Open E)

Ancient Sword of the Meth King

I'm Going to Fucking Fight Vincent Gallo, and I Will Win

Successfully Cyberbullied a Child

Save a Tele, Kill Your Local Indie Rocker

Do You Believe in Magick (Spelled with A "K")?

Aerosmith by Choice

Another Wampyric and Elusive Black Metal Project with Dungeon Synth Interludes Just Like the Last Five That I Unloaded My Paycheck On

That Mountain Goats Song About a Death Metal Band Wasn't About Kombat

Jackhammer Dildo

Knowing Very Obscure Metal Bands Makes Me a Desirable Person and Fun to Talk to at Parties

An Onslaught of Rotting Monkeys

Giving My Album Art the Color Palette of Black, White and Red So We All Know Its Blasphemy Worship (What the Goat Wasn't Enough of a Giveaway?)

Wretched Crotchspawn of a Belligerent Oogle

Larry Is Bald

Cum Ghost

The House That Beef Built

Time to Start Bullying NFT Artists

Critical Race Theory in Power Electronics

A Snake with a Mohawk Eating Its Own Asshole

I Fear My Earthling Neighbors Have Seen Me Feasting Upon Car Batteries

A Group of Three (3) or More Peavey Combo Amps Is Commonly Referred to as a "Pawn Shop"

Honor Guard of Black Kittens Guide Me as I Carry This Pile of Bones Home

If You Feel Your Rectum Begin to Leak Feel Free to Challenge Me to a Battle of Intellects on Facebook

Eno-Pilled

See video on youtube

By Kyle Larson